


What does it mean to be in love?

by Yukino1612



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Serious Conversation, commitment issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-27
Updated: 2020-01-27
Packaged: 2021-02-27 16:33:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22420084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yukino1612/pseuds/Yukino1612
Summary: Seonghwa loves Hongjoong.Hongjoong has commitment issues.And Seonghwa?Seonghwa loves him anyways.AlternativelyAteez have a little talk that upsets Hongjoong, making him go to his room.Seonghwa follows to talk to him, and talk they do.-title now changed from "How do you define a relationship?"-
Relationships: Choi San/Jung Wooyoung, Kim Hongjoong & Park Seonghwa, Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa
Comments: 1
Kudos: 69
Collections: Kpop male idol hurt/comfort fanfics





	What does it mean to be in love?

**Author's Note:**

> I researched about commitment issues, but I will not say that I know how they feel like or what they entail exactly.
> 
> This story also focuses more on how Seonghwa feels about Hongjoong's commitment issues, in relation to loving him.
> 
> I hope this fanfiction is enjoyable and you can also comment if there is something that feel wrong about this fanfiction, or if there a part that makes you feel attacked or something. This was not written to attack anyone.

Seonghwa sighed, watching Hongjoong laugh with the others whilst watching a movie.

Without himself noticing, a smile painted itself on the oldest's lips.

He always loved seeing Hongjoong happy.

It didn't take long for Seonghwa to know that he was in love with the younger.

He had adored the younger and been drawn in by him since the first time he had talked to him.

And Hongjoong knew that Seonghwa loved him.

Of course he did, they had been a couple once before Hongjoong had been forced to break up with him because he didn't feel well with being in a relationship.

Seonghwa had been hurt, of course.

Who wouldn't be hurt if the one they love break up with them?

But he got over the pain of heartbreak fairly quick, knowing that even if they had broken up, nothing and no one would be able to keep him from loving Hongjoong.

Even if he had to love him from afar.

Even if their hugs and cuddles were completely platonically, he would be able to live with that.

As long as Hongjoong was happy.

And hey, he could still hug and cuddle him, right?

Because could he really say that he loved Hongjoong, if he didn't prioritize his happiness over the want to hold him close?

After all, he could still do that.

As a friend.

If Hongjoong wanted Seonghwa to be his friend, then he would gladly be that.

For Hongjoong, he would burn the world.

He would do everything, if it meant that he could protect Hongjoong's happiness.

He knew that Hongjoong had commitment issues, and that was completely fine.

Everyone has their fears and needs.

"Hyung, what are you smiling about like a love sick idiot?", asked San whilst laughing.

Seonghwa immediately looked at the boy, the smile dropping from his lips.

"Does Hyung have a girlfriend?", asked Jongho with an evil smirk.

Seonghwa's eyes widened and his mouth fell open.

"What? No! Of course not!", the eldest yelled out, catching Hongjoong's frown.

"Kekeke, it's okay Hyung. We won't judge you or tell on you as long as you introduce her to us", smiled Wooyoung devilishly.

"I told you, I don't have a girlfriend", Seonghwa sounded exasperated.

"Oh- What about a boyfriend?", asked Mingi.

"I also don't have a boyfriend. Am I not allowed to smile anymore?", asked Seonghwa annoyed.

"But Hyung-"

"Leave him alone", Hongjoong interrupted the younger.

"What?"

"I'm sure he would tell us if he was in a relationship. All of you would. Should. Since I'm sure that none of you want to jeopardize ATEEZ, do you?", said Hongjoong before getting up from the couch and walking to his room.

"What's up with Hyung?", asked Yeosang.

"I'm sure it's nothing, Yeosangie", answered Yunho.

After a few minutes of awkward silence, San spoke up.

"Maybe someone should go and check on him? Make sure he's not upset…?"

Immediately, all eyes were trained on Seonghwa who looked at the others with distrust.

"What? Why are you all looking at me?", he asked, raising his hands as if to surrender.

"You are the oldest. Hongjoong Hyung is the second oldest", answered Mingi.

"So what? Is that supposed to mean anything?", Seonghwa was confused.

"We all know that you two rely on each other the most, Hyung", said Jongho.

Seonghwa, who was still confused, stayed seated until the others suddenly grabbed his arms and pulled him up from the couch, pushing him towards the direction Hongjoong dissapeared in.

"Fine! I'm going, I'm going…", Seongwha made his way to the leaders room, knocking on the door carefully.

"Hongjong? Is it alright if I come in?", asked the oldest in a soft voice.

The door was opened a split second after he said the others name.

Seonghwa pushed the door to open fully, stepping inside and closing the door again.

He saw Hongjoong sitting at his desk, his laptop opened in front of him and seemingly working on something.

"Did you need something?", asked Hongjoong whilst looking at the older.

"Ah... Not really. The kids are just worried since you stormed out so suddenly. I came to check how you're doing", said Seonghwa, leaning against the wall and watching his leader carefully.

"I'm fine. But....you would tell us, right? If you were in a relationship, I mean?", Hongjoong averted his gaze towards the floor.

Seonghwa walked closer to him, kneeling in front of him and taking both of Hongjoong's hands into his.

"You know I would. You would be the first person I would tell. But I will not be in a relationship, and you know it", Seonghwa whispered softly.

Hongjoong took his hands back, leaning backwards.

"Seonghwa... I... We talked about this....", Hongjoong sighed.

"I know. And I will not pressure you into anything, ever. I just want, no, _need_ you to know that I love you. No matter what. I love you, with all your perfections and all your flaws, your happiness and your fears. I love you, and nothing will ever change that", Seonghwa held eye-contact with Hongjoong, trying to make him realize that he was serious.

"I- I can't love you back... I mean, I do, but.... It's complicated...", Hongjoong's eyes glazed over with unshed tears.

Seonghwa pulled the younger man into his arms, moving both of them to sit on the bed, where it was more comfortable.

"Hey, it's okay.... You don't have to love me. I don't want you to feel something that you don't actually feel. I don't want you to force yourself. All I need you to do is be happy. Be happy, and that's all I will ever need. Nothing more", Seonghwa smiled.

"But...How? How can you say something like that? Doesn't it hurt?", Hongjoong didn't understand.

"It did, at first. But I had time to think about it. To really think. What do relationships mean? Are they necessary if you love someone? What does it mean to love someone? And, the more I thought about it, the clearer it became", Seonghwa looked at the wall, a far away look in his eyes and a smile lifting the corners of his lips.

"What did you find out?", Hongjoong's eyes shone with a nervous curiosity.

Seonghwa took a few minutes to answer, simply holding Hongjoong in his arms and stroking his back.

"Hyung?", came the small question from the smaller after he took just a bit too long to answer.

"Loving someone means prioritizing their happiness over your own. It means that they have a special place in your heart. Their happiness is linked to yours, and even if you can only love them from afar, your heart still fills up with love and adoration for them whenever you see them laugh. Whenever they are truly happy. You want to protect that happiness at all costs, and you want to cherish them every way you can", Seonghwa pressed a small kiss to the top of Hongjoong's head.

"But wouldn't you want to be in a relationship with them?", Hongjoong felt anxiety swirl in the pit of his stomach for some reason he couldn't explain.

"Of course you would want to. But it isn't necessary. If they are not ready for a relationship, then you will wait for them, if you truly love them. If they simply don't want a relationship, then you'll find a way to accept that and still manage to love them. Love and relationship are not the same thing. Sure, they can come together, but they can also come alone", Seonghwa chuckled.

"So, you mean relationships are not important for love?", Hongjoong tilted his head, making the oldest coo at him.

"You are afraid of commitment, of being bound. And many people associate love with being in a relationship and the other way around, which they also associate with being bound to another person, of losing their freedom. But that's not necessarily true. Relationships are built on friendship, something you have in common, trust, respect, innocent love and also freedom. You need to be able to trust your partner that he won't cage you in, that he will let you have your freedom"

"Alright, but how does that work? I mean, there are so many expectations of you if you are in a relationship... How could that possibly be freedom?", There was confusion laced in Hongjoong's voice.

"Uh... How do I explain this.... If we were in a relationship, the only thing I would expect of you is to enjoy life, enjoy being treasured and take what you need. Give what you feel comfortable with, and never more than that. I would expect you to put yourself and your own happiness and peace of mind before our relationship. Nothing matters more than you do. I would expect you to know what you can take and what is too much, and make sure to tell me that. Tell me your boundaries and definitely don't hesitate to tell me if I am overstepping any of them. Because in a relationship, you are supposed to feel safe. Safe and loved and respected and free", Seonghwa tried his best to explain.

"And what if I was asked out by someone? Wouldn't you get jealous and theoretically bind me to yourself by our relationship? Wouldn't you try to own me?", asked the smaller man.

"No. Never. If someone asks you out, then it is completely up to you if you want to go or not. If you want to go, then I'll help you with whatever you need help with, getting ready, nerves, whatever. I will make sure that you get there and come back safely, and I will definitely only be a phone call or text message away if you start to feel overwhelmed. And if you don't want to go, then I'll also help you. Whether that is by helping you formulate the rejection or literally scaring them away. Your happiness would be my first and only priority together with your safety", Seonghwa squeezed Hongjoong in his arms.

"But wouldn't that hurt your feelings? If I went on a date with someone else?", Hongjoong's voice was muffled from where his face was squished to Seonghwa's chest, his ear pressed against it to hear his heartbeat.

"Maybe at first. But sometimes, there are things that only other people can do. If they can make you happy, then I'll gladly let you go. As long as they don't jeopardize your happiness or safety and you feel safe with them, I won't have a problem with it", Seonghwa closed his eyes and allowed himself to breathe in the others scent.

"That's a lot to take in....", Whispered Hongjoong between yawns.

"Oh, I'm sorry.... Did I overwhelm you? I didn't mean to....", Seonghwa whispered back worriedly.

"No, it's okay. It's just... What you said, about relationships and love and all of that... It's definitely going to be stuck in my head for a while", giggled Hongjoong, laying down on the bed and pulling Seonghwa down with him to cuddle.

"Are you tired?"

"Mhm... Stay with me?"

"Of course Joongie, anything for you."

The two of them shifted into a comfortable position before falling asleep almost immediately after.

Without them knowing, the others had taken residence on the other side of the door, eavesdropping on their conversation after Seonghwa had been gone for a bit too long for their liking 

"Woah, Seonghwa Hyung's philosophy on relationships and love is kinda cool....", Whispered San.

The others nodded.

"I never knew that Hongjoong Hyung was afraid of that....", was whispered by one of the others.

They decided to head to bed as well, all of them thinking about the words of their oldest Hyung.

"Wooyoungie, do you think like that as well?", asked San in a soft whisper when they were in their own bedroom, having gotten ready for bed and now cuddling together whilst stealing kisses once in a while.

"I never really thought about it, but I guess Seonghwa Hyung is right. A relationship is meant to be a safe place where you feel treasured and free. It's supposed to show you love without binding you, still giving you freedom to experience and get to find yourself, isn't it?"

"I guess so, yeah...", whispered San with adoration clear in his voice.

"Let's go to sleep....", Wooyoung yawned, giving San one last kiss before closing his eyes and drfiting off to dream land, San following not far behind.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you all know that love and relationships should not be forced.  
> They are supposed to be natural and pure, like a deep, non-binding bond between you and your partner.  
> If you ever feel unsafe or uncomfortable, know that you should put yourself and your well-being before anything else and end the relationship, maybe it's for the best that way.
> 
> I hope you all have a nice day, feel loved and stay healthy~


End file.
